You might have thought that one of the most iconic Fighting-types in the Pokémon franchise were actually recognised and distinguished practitioners of martial arts, but a shocking revelation has rocked researchers of Game Freak’s iconic monster collection franchise to the core this evening, following news that the Superpower pair Machoke and Machamp are actually wearing nothing at all.
That’s right – for the last nineteen years, children across the globe have been exposed to streaking body builders that have been flexing their muscles right under noses the entire time. Once upon a time, one might have assumed the common theory that the species had developed a behaviour not seen in other Pokémon and decided to cover their shame (lookin’ at you Dunsparce. Just urgh, cover your face). However, word from Arceus is that Machamp has been misleading us about their athletic achievements since the Machoke days.
The startling news only recently came to light thanks to a new section of the Japanese “Pokémon Daisuki Club” website dedicated to the fighter, titled “Kairiky Gym” after its Japanese name. An article titled “Kairiky’s Secrets” broke the news regarding the evolution line’s lack of attire, noting that the area once considered to be clothing are in fact markings. This information was later corroborated by Pokken Tournament producer Katsuhiro Harada, who confirmed that the distinction was raised in an early meeting with The Pokémon Company. At least Machop was always open about its nudity.
Another unusual fact uncovered by the article is that in the Kanto region, female patrons in particular are known to frequent cafés staffed entirely by Machamp to “admire” their physiques. That shouldn’t really come as a surprise though, considering that texts found in the Sinnoh region’s Canalave Library actually note that it used to be custom for humans and Pokémon to marry.
Yeah, the Pokémon world sure is weird, isn’t it? And that’s before we even start looking at the Pokédex…